One of the most debilitating pieces of baggage we can carry around every day is UNFORGIVENESS! It has the ability to sap out all our energy and control the way we live.
In our search for the “perfect balance” in our lives, we need to recognise the power we have in our ability to forgive. So what is forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself. It is not something you do FOR someone else. It is not complicated. It is simple. Simply identify the situation to be forgiven and ask yourself: “Am I willing to waste my energy further on this matter?” If the answer is “No,” then that’s it! All is forgiven.
Forgiveness dares you to imagine a better future, one that is based on the blessed possibility that your hurt will not be the final word on the matter. It challenges you to give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and to believe in the possibility of a better future. It builds confidence that you can survive the pain and grow from it.
Telling someone you forgive them is a bonus, however it is not necessary in beginning the process that heals the hurt. Forgiveness has little or nothing to do with another person because forgiveness is an internal matter.
There is nothing so bad that cannot be forgiven. Nothing!
The greatest misconception about forgiveness is the belief that forgiving the offense means that you condone it. This is not true. In fact, we can only forgive what we know to be wrong. Forgiveness does not mean that you always have to reconcile with someone who badly treated you.
Another misconception is that it depends on whether the person who did you wrong apologizes, wants you back, or changes his or her ways. If another person’s poor behavior were the primary determinant for your healing then the unkind and selfish people in your life would retain power over you indefinitely. Forgiveness is the experience of finding peace inside and can neither be compelled nor stopped by another.
I believe that to withhold forgiveness is to choose to continue to remain the victim. Remember, you always have choice.
When you forgive you do it for you, not for the other person. The person you have never forgiven. . . owns you! That is only and always your choice. The choice to forgive is only and always yours.
When you feel that forgiveness is necessary, do not forgive for “their” sake. Do it for yourself! It would be great if they would come to you and ask forgiveness but you must accept the fact that some people will never do that. That is their choice. They do not NEED to be forgiven. They did what they did and that is it – except for the consequences, which THEY must live with.
The hurts won’t heal until you forgive! Recovery from wrongdoing that produces genuine forgiveness takes time. For some, it may take years. Don’t rush it. Constantly reliving your wounded feelings gives the person who caused you pain power over you. Instead of mentally replaying your hurt, it helps to focus your energy on the healing, not the hurt!
Forgiveness breaks the cycle of hatred, resentment, anger and pain that is often passed on to those around you. Forgiveness helps you make peace with your past.
Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. The only people you should ever want to get even with are those who have helped you.
Forgiveness. What it’s for? It creates the freedom to create a new future beginning now!
The People Builder